Working with seniors and their families, I often hear people say "I am now the parent. The roles have changed, and I am now fulfilling the role that my parent provided to me as a child. My parent met all of my needs as a child. They fed me, clothed me, kept me safe and were there for my emotional and physical wellbeing. It is now my turn to do this because they are childlike."
That is not a truism and if you hold that belief you are in for a challenging ride. The parent will always be the parent. While they may need care like a child, they may need support as a child, or they may require direction like a child, they are still the parent. They are and always will be the parent regardless of their ability to manage their lives. When they are treated like a child and not allowed autonomy and independence, they react. Each situation is different, but the underlying issue is the same. Like the parent, there is a delicate balance between oversight and control.
Well, the senior may be childlike, but they are not children. They have decades of life experience to draw from, and their long-term memory is often intact. This means that they remember the parent role and the importance of that role for their children and family. They hold to those roles because they are safe and have defined their lives as a successful adult and person in society and their family.
This can be difficult for some families to process. Contact me to discuss your specific situation and to find out how you can care for your loved one, and still maintain the parent/child relationship you have always treasured.