You are experiencing the normal feelings associated with caregiving.  First, take care of yourself.  If you get ill based on the stress of your caretaking responsibility you are of no value to your mother.  When we are exhausted, we are not at our best.  Give yourself credit for your hard work and ask for help.

Ask for assistance from an outsider like Charism.  We can evaluate the home for safety, your mom for fall risk due to medications and conditions and speak to the physician about ordering therapy services if appropriate.  If none of these work, we are able to have the difficult discussion about options allowing your family to stay intact.

The internet is a great source of information, but it does not provide comprehensive information.  Make sure you have a primary care healthcare provider who is an advocate.  This point person can provide oversight and information.  If you cannot get this provider to speak to you, call Charism.  We communicate in the language of healthcare and will collaborate and coordinate your care.

Giving up driving means giving up independence.  None of us wants to be a burden and be dependent on others.  Even when seniors are not safe to drive, they often pass the State driving test with ease.  An occupational therapist can coordinate a driving assessment.  Once the risk is known, the primary care provider can have a discussion.  If that does not work, call Charism and we can meet with your dad.  We can keep your family intact by taking on the role of change using a respectful, trusting and firm approach.

If you are getting calls from neighbors and friends, there is a problem.  It is only human to deny many of the changes that come with aging.  One of the ways that we manage this at Charism is going to the senior’s home for a visit and assessment.  When the right questions are asked and the situation is reviewed, the problem is usually quite apparent.  Once the scope of the problem is identified, we can help you find options and solutions to keep your parents safe.

An assessment of the problem needs to be done first so you know what the actual issues are.    Start by communicating with their local healthcare provider.  If that person is not accessible or helpful, give Charism a call.  We can facilitate on your behalf and find resources to assess the problem.  We can then help you arrange for the necessary services locally or assist with relocation. 

Speak to the assisted living staff and ask for a care plan meeting.  Be prepared and bring your questions to the meeting.  If this meeting does not provide you with the information that you require, give Charism a call.  We can review your mother’s condition and medications to see if an assisted living environment is right for her.  If the assisted living is appropriate, they have the opportunity to provide the level of service you wish.  If the assisted living facility cannot provide the level of service required, Charism can help you find an alternate that will.

Having a conversation about end of life and wishes is never easy.  Often the senior is ready to have the conversation, but does not know how to start it with the family.  Find a time that is comfortable and ask if you loved one has considered end of life choices.  This will often lay the framework of the talk.  If you are not able to have this loving conversation, call Charism.  We can have a family meeting to talk about not only your mother’s wishes, but those of the you and your siblings.  It is never too early to have this talk. 

It sounds like you have private duty or non medical attendants staying with your parents.    Even if they are certified nursing assistants, they do not have any.

First off, your siblings do not truly understand everything that you are doing for your mother.  They do not see the issues as you do.  Ask them for help.  Be specific with your request including time, date and needs.  If they are unable to deliver, you know where you stand.  You and your mother are not able to depend on them.   Keep them informed, but do not expect anything from them.  Find other sources for assistance for you and your mother.  You do not have to do it all by yourself.   They are not able to help you for their own reasons and it is not important for you to understand their hesitancy.