We are sexual creatures and need intimacy regardless of our age. Having a child cuddle is an intimate and cherished experience for parents. That same level of need for touch and intimacy continues even if one has dementia and does not recognize their spouse or children.
There are many sources in literature that demonstrate that individuals in the 8th and 9th decade of life continues to be sexually active. This dispels the myth that sexual activity does not occur and is not important as we age. It may change and be enacted in different ways, but it is still an essential part of life.
How we manifest our sexual and intimacy needs as we age may not be consistent with strongly held sexual beliefs. With the loss of social boundaries and executive function, seniors with dementia may act on their needs and desires and this may be upsetting to family members.
Often we see residents with dementia holding hands and snuggling with other residents on a dementia unit. Families or spouses may be upset and feel that the senior is being unfaithful or not holding a deceased spouse in respect. One must consider the cognitive loss of the senior and their needs for intimacy that they enjoyed with their partner for years if not decades. This intimacy has been an important part of their life.
There are times that the seniors may go to bed together. This tends to be even more upsetting to their families. As a healthcare provider, the rule is to make sure the seniors are safe, close the door and allow the seniors their private time. It is not for us to separate them and chastise them for their behavior. They are simply acting of their innate needs which are unmet.
Speak to the healthcare team, or contact us about your concerns and they can assist you in articulating your discomfort or questions. We all want the senior to be who they are throughout their life span. What a wonderful gift to allow your loved one to act on their needs and accept them for who they are.