I did not realize that Orphan Syndrome was a real condition until I experienced it with the death of my second parent. Through the years, many friends, colleagues and patients have used this term. I thought that it was interesting to listen to the person talk about the feelings that accompanied their experience.
I now know what it feels like to be an orphan, and it is real. This term was initially used to describe the loss of both parents for a child. The child no longer has parents and for all practical purposes is an orphan whether the parents had planned for their care or not.
As an adult in my fifth decade of life, I now fully understand what it feels like to be an orphan. I can never go back home. Emotionally the place that my mom and dad had lived, our family home, is no longer intact. Even though someone else is living in the house, it is no longer my home. I struggle with even going back into the house due to the feelings of loss. Regardless of the relationship one has with one’s parents, they are not replaceable even as an adult with other family members or experiences.
The loss of the second parent also changes the dynamics of the family. The parental generation is gone and a new order dawns. There is a new Oak tree for the family. The person who is the new Oak tree may be surprised that they have this role. They may feel unprepared. They may feel angry or upset with the new role. They may deny the role. They may try to be the parent and alienate the rest of the family. They may over act the role. The dynamics of and personalities in the family define the changes that each family experiences.
It is ok to feel like an orphan. Generations of your family have been in the same position. Embrace the change and build a firmer foundation than the one that was left for you.