When the parent ages and begins to rely on their children for more assistance, it is one of the most challenging and confusing times for adult children. We often hear: "I have become the parent.” Do not fool yourself: YOU ARE ALWAYS THE CHILD! You may be assuming more responsibility in your parent’s life, but they will see you as their child even though they are asking for your advice, counsel, and direction.
Our wish is to help maintain their dignity, autonomy, and independence at a time in their life when they are not able to actively manage these rolls. But, the biggest challenge is how to step in without denying their dignity. What is a child to do? Regardless of our age, we are due the respect, dignity, and autonomy as a human being. Finding ways to maintain that when one is working with an individual who no longer even recognizes one as their child is distressing and painful.
Remember that just because the short-term memory is impaired and the senior is not able to create real-time memories, they have not lost the decades of lifelong learning.
Some rules of thumb to remember:
There may be breakthrough moments when the person we cherished is with us. Grab on to those moments and keep them for the times that the caregiver and the senior need them in the future. Those moments may not come again.
Don't hesitate to contact us for more information on how to cope when your loved one has dementia and to find out what resources there are available to you.