It's hard to see the changes that occur with aging. One of the ways we cope with these changes is to go into a state of inertia. We also don't understand the short and long term effects of aging as a disease. We are hopeful and have faith that things will stay the same after the crisis is over. This hopefulness often leads us to have unrealistic expectations of what we can expect.
We become distressed and upset when those expectations aren't met. In the eyes of the patient and family the expectations were not unrealistic. This distress manifests itself in a variety of ways. Physicians often don't articulate realistic expectations well. As the patient’s family, we also may have difficulty hearing and accepting the expectations because of the stress we face.
For instance, a 90-year-old individual who has diabetes and severe hardening of the arteries requiring bypass surgery has pain in her legs when walking. This pain with walking is an indication of hardening of the arteries with inadequate blood supply to the legs. The family believes that surgery to bypass the blockage will make her legs “normal” again. After surgery, she gets a sore on her toe from limited circulation, and the family is upset because they think the bypass surgery should have eliminated the blood flow problem. The hardening of the arteries is a whole body disease and repairing one small area does not reduce the hardening of the arteries in all of the other effected blood vessels. While the doctors told the family this was an urgent procedure to salvage the leg, they did not understand the complicated issues and experienced much distress.
While healthcare providers do their best to explain what they are doing and why, it may be difficult for the family to understand or accept the consequences because they do not fit with their expectations. As your own advocate, ask many questions. No question is dumb. If you knew the answer you would not be asking it.
To get your questions answered, please speak to your healthcare professional directly or contact me and let's talk about the issues that are distressing you.